Forget authenticity at work — embrace growth instead

When I was a couples therapist, my clients often had to confront the necessity of changing their ineffective or destructive behavior patterns. Sometimes they were open to working on the changes, but from time to time one of the partners would say, “That’s just the way I am.” I learned pretty quickly that this phrase was code for “I’m just not willing to make that change.” And it did not bode well for the success of the therapy or the relationship.

I feel as if I’m running into the same dynamic when business leaders (and their advisors) talk about “authenticity.” Look, I fully understand the importance of being true to yourself, regardless of the role you are in. Years ago, I had a coaching client who was a closeted lesbian. When she chose to come out, her work performance improved dramatically and she was rapidly promoted. That kind of hiding who you are takes enormous energy, and it is truly liberating to be able to express yourself more fully in the workplace.

But I think we are confusing elements of our core identity, which we cannot and should not compromise, with peripheral characteristics, which we can and sometimes should change. To be perfectly frank, I really don’t want you to bring your whole self to work. There are elements of yourself (and myself) that are quite inappropriate for the workplace.

The paradox of authenticity in the workplace

So I was delighted to come across the HBR article “The Authenticity Paradox” by Herminia Ibarra. Ibarra lists three definitions of authenticity: being true to yourself, maintaining strict coherence between what you feel and what you say or do, and making values-based choices. She succinctly challenges whether any of these make good guidance for business leaders.

Among the many challenges Ibarra poses, one stood out for me. “Being true to yourself” may mean that you are stuck in the self you are right now. You’ll hang on to your current beliefs and behaviors, and you may choose to associate only with others who remind you of you. That leads to stagnation and often to immaturity. Especially when you get a big promotion, being true to your old self almost guarantees failure. 

MORE: Why leaders need gravitas more than authenticity

Growing as a person and a professional requires moving out of your comfort zone and trying on new ways of being yourself. “That’s just the way I am” didn’t work well for the distressed couples in my therapy practice, and it won’t work any better for business leaders in today’s challenging world.

What do you think about authenticity? Read Ibarra’s article and let me know your reactions. You can reach me at ggolden@gailgoldenconsulting.com