To give constructive criticism, don’t enlist an ‘invisible army’

When I was a marriage therapist, I often heard comments like this from one partner to the other:

“You don’t support me in the things that matter to me. When I try to talk with you about my work, you don’t pay attention, or you critique the way I’m doing things. It really annoys me, and a lot of other people have noticed it and commented on it to me.”

The particular complaint varied, but the commonality was clear: a reference to others who supported the complainer’s point of view. It seemed to me that the speakers lacked the confidence to just state their perspective. Instead, they felt the need to enroll an “invisible army” of supporters, people who would back up what they were saying, but who in fact were nowhere to be seen. 

Naturally, this rarely had the desired effect. I never saw the receiver of this criticism calmly respond, “Well, if other people say so, it must be true.” Instead, they often reacted with all the defensiveness of someone under attack. It wasn’t one person in conversation with another now, but a whole crew of people ganging up to discuss one person’s shortcomings behind his or her back.

An invisible army of supporters makes criticism less, not more, effective

Nowadays, I encounter the same pattern in my work with business executives. Just this morning I was talking with a CMO who had met with one of her team members the day before. The team member had said, “I’d really like to see you bring more structure to our team. You have big ideas, but you don’t provide enough direction on how we’re supposed to follow through. I’m not the only one who feels this way. We’d all like you to provide more hands-on leadership.”

There it is again, the “invisible army.” Don’t get me wrong — in both cases, the critique may be accurate. Perhaps there really are others who agree with the speaker. But bringing the “invisible army” into the conversation is a manipulation — a way of trying to strengthen the impact of what you are saying without any real evidence.

It also leaves the person on the other side of the critique with no recourse. They can respond to your observations and questions. But a crowd of people who aren’t in the room? There’s no defense against that.

How to give constructive criticism without ‘backup’

So, what’s a leader to do when you have to deliver group feedback in a one-on-one? Stick to the behaviors and performance you can speak to directly — and if other topics need to be addressed, be specific about what happened and with whom. Make it clear that the original speaker requested anonymity if necessary. Even if multiple people have the same criticism to deliver, turning it into a crowd opinion will prevent it from being constructive.

And if you encounter the “invisible army” in your own workplace feedback? Don’t dismiss the critique out of hand — it may be a valid and useful observation. But be skeptical about how many people truly echo the speaker’s sentiment. There’s only one voice in the room, so the only thing you know for sure is that person’s opinion. 

In both cases, if it’s an important enough issue, I recommend seeking out more data. Ask other team members for their opinions and see if they agree with the original speaker. As long as you’re asking openly and in good faith, most people will be willing to share the feedback with you directly. Then you can decide whether you need to address the problem or not.

Candid feedback can be very useful to a business leader. Just not so much when it comes from the “invisible army.”